Saturday, April 01, 2006

Metro settles Universities/ Westpark/ Richmond rail alignment

Today Metro finally settled the ongoing debate on an alignment for the new Universities light rail line - an argument which has become quite bitter between Richmond advocates on one side and Westpark advocates on the other. Metro, eager to please both sides, and in consultation with the university science departments served by the line, has settled on "quantum transit technology" - which will allow it to serve all possible routes simultaneously. The line will be in a suspended flux state similar to the Schrodinger's Cat thought experiment, and will only settle into a fixed route upon direct observation - so riders or neighbors will be able to collapse the wavefunction into their desired route on-demand - avoiding or plowing through Afton Oaks as they like.

The new official route map can be found here.

Unfortunately, there are a couple of downsides to this otherwise win-win approach. First, according to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the train's speed or position can be known at any time, but not both, somewhat complicating schedules. Second, given position probability randomness, the train may occasionally stop somewhere other than along the mapped route, although it is believed that almost all stops should be contained within our solar system.

On the plus side, Metro is exploring time travel possibilities with the new technology, which could be a popular option with riders running late for work or appointments.

(Hope you enjoyed this year's April Fools. Don't miss last year's "New Weather Urbanism" if you haven't read it already, or today's hilarious Hermann Park intermodal station proposal by Christof.)


At 6:16 PM, April 01, 2006, Blogger Adam said...

Kevin Whited and Tom Bazan are probably totally ballistic over just another big government program to use 'dubious science' for the benefit of the 'public'.

Besides, this is the city that reached out to the Ocean and dug ths ship channel, reached up to the heavens and landed on the moon, and reached inside ourselves to care for our neighbors. Who says couldn't beat this minor necessary implications of the Dirac Equation?

At 3:26 PM, April 02, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was long awaiting METRO to propose a shuttle to the "Mother Ship" for those needing "free" rides.

Also, the road to Hell was congested, so METRO is expected to float billions more in bonds for Siemens to run a tram in that direction also.


Post a Comment

<< Home